sigh

i wish i had it in me to write anonymously, i’m sure i’d write freer.

ah, welp.  so i have a couple things on my mind.

ONE

i’m so mainstream.  i feel a since of guilty self-defense when i talk to my radical or even more academia-immersed friends…the closest to the “news” i watch is the colbert report and my multi-lingual BBC twitter feeds…i no longer dream of a world where everyone is free, just focused on creating a reality in which i can be [free]…

i am admittedly ignorant of most things, and the most intellectually stimulating conversation i can offer is a well-reasoned explanation for my apathy.  we [where "we" are the many versions of me] hope it is only temporary.  in fact, we will it to be.

i mean…life is cycles…everyone has their cocoon modes, where they insulate themselves from the world to marinate in their own selves to become the next best version of self…right?

oh look at me on that emo neo soul new age shit…this is what too much paulo coelho-reading, e. badu–listening to & too many nights at the spoken word joint gets you.

i believe everything i’m saying though.

TWO

let me count my blessings…i am in school in a subject which i could not be more excited about [WELL...except language(s), black people, women, writing, struggle, etc]…and i am doing well…i’m in the city where i believed my life was waiting for me to find it…i have my mother’s love…i am employed in a job that is exactly what i need right now…i have a home that is truly my safe space…i’m in good health…i’m in good spirits…my biggest problems in life have to do with paying a bill or 2 late and taking out my trash when necessary.  i have some trips to look forward to…i have old friends who love me and new friends who may one day…  AND i just discovered i have  free HBO

so, all is well.

THREE

love this book  [song yet sung, by james mcbride]