amanda diva is my homegirl

I’m back.

It’s 5:56 and i’m up. Not sleeping because my mind keeps running in the same circles, thinking the same things about the same thoughts i’ve been recycling for days now.

There’s just so much.

For 10 days I lived.

I don’t have pictures.

I was so anxious to leave Miami that I convinced my sister to leave for the sip right after we came home from Tropix and packed. Hit the road at 5:20 a.m. EST. Arrived to Byram around 6 CST.

I have 3000 more miles on my car now than I did the Saturday before last.

Alabama was some of the prettiest driving. The section of Florida that lines the turnpike and I-75 is very uneventful.

Alabama is pretty too look at, even on a gray day.It was spring.  Trees had blossoms.  The houses were pretty.

Aside from being cleaner, Mobile, Alabama is all the worst parts of the east side (of detroit) magnified. the hoodness.  the desolation.  coulda been that i was tired of drivin, but i thought it was some bullshit.

There is a stretch on the way from Mobile, AL to Jackson, MS where there is no highway. You just have to drive down a street. A regular ass street, that has traffic lights and stop signs. And I cussed out Alabama the whole way, for being so behind that they didn’t have an interstate.

But Alabama was pretty though.

I was so excited just to cross the state line into Mississippi. Mississippi is a trip. I see why Nina Simone had to write a song about it. It’s not like going back into time. It’s like an alternate universe. Where 21 year old Black men get high underneath the trees and the starlight and tell you what it’s like to buss a deer wide open with a shot gun, and how good deer sausages are. And dudes that look hard as hell come to Karaoke night, and the song they sing is “Put On” while girls in their entourage pop on the floor around them, and the next act is an old white guy with a faded baseball cap singing some country song about Indiana, that you’ve never heard before. Where guys brag to you about how they either look like T.I. Or Plies based on how they tip their fitteds, and buy you patron shots because they can tell you’re from out of town, cuz you got a whole different swag.

My first night in the sip I was overwhelmed with it all. Went to a late-night fish fry, where a girl my age had been frying fish for hours non-stop, for her boyfriend and his friends. It was so gender segregated that it caught me off guard. I can’t remember the last time I went somewhere and all the women talked in one room while the men smoked and drank in another. In the meantime the 8 year old daughter was up way too late for it to be a school night, while 20 something men around her blew weed smoke in her face, rapping along to music videos talkin about “gutta bitch”es and “bricks. All white bricks.”

Aloud I said “Damn. That’s sad.”

I wonder how this girl is gon grow up, and if her definition of love will be a guy loving her for being his gutta bitch.

I wasn’t tryna judge though.

Some short dude with a real cute face and pretty eyes called himself flirting with me, I guess. I was not at all in the mood for it. I’m very picky about how niggas interact with me in group settings. If I come at you on some teehee-in shit, or lookin like I’m thirsty, that’s one thing. But if I’m just being regular, drinkin with you the same way your niggas are—don’t try to turn that into a opportunity to get your dick wet, cuz I’m not interested.

The fish was good as hell.  I love catfish.  Even if it is a bottom feeder.

Underlining all my thoughts, I was thinking about “the youngin”*. I felt overwhelmed by 6 months of anticipation as soon as I saw the “Welcome to Jackson” sign. Things didn’t go exactly the way I wanted to but I saw him. Seein him for the first time since September did not give me any rush of feelings except relief. It was like: finally.

Out of the way parking lot car sex ensued, after some talkin and chillin. I didn’t have that “best ever” feeling because I was not entirely pleased with the scenario and I was also exhausted, but it was still really good and I felt totally relaxed afterwards and ready for some more.

Day 2 updates to follow tomorrow.

*best sex I ever had. Hands down.